Yuletide Yearning
by jem-chan
Summary: mmm... holiday fluff... towaXatsuro... towa missing atsuro... :D


Saturday, December 25, 2004 at 5:51 in the morning… I should be scrambling towards the Christmas tree and ripping up gift wrappers to get to what's inside… but I'm not… not because I don't like Christmas… but because I feel like I'm missing something… or rather… I am missing someone…

Note: Shounen-ai, 3rd person POV and then Towa's POV

Disclaimer: Kaikan Phrase and all of its characters found in this fic are not mine…

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Yuletide Yearning

By: scarlet bliss

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A lithe figure broke the sleeping shadows that painted the room. The man padded his way towards the window and sat on the cushion that rests just below the glass. He leaned on the frosting pane that was to his right and pulled his right knee towards him while leaving the other planted on the floor.

Barren pale gold eyes looked out the window, watching the elegance of the silent dance the snow falling. The blond man reached out and settled his left hand on the glass, caressing it as if it were a person dear to him.

Towa lets out a sigh and reaches for the small lump in his shirt pocket…

* * *

I sigh again as I feel the small phone resting against my chest. So many thoughts are running wild through my head. I feel the cold from the outside on the glass as much as I feel the emptiness in my heart as I constantly remind myself that the innocent redhead that I love the most is not with me right now.

I lean back and focus on the glowing clock on the other side of the room. 2:05am, 12-25-2004. He said he could always come to me after their family's holiday dinner but I couldn't find it in me to ask that of him. I could not, for the life of me, take my beloved away from the arms of his family just so I could wrap mine around him on this special day.

I wonder if he's feeling a little peeved at me for not dropping him a call… I sent him a message of greeting though… but I refused to call him in fear of deepening the longing that was mounting in me.

A gentle humming from my chest pocket brought me out of my reverie. I take the small phone in my hands and look at the display.

**Atsu-koi Calling**

My thumb was quick to press the 'answer' button and automatically pressed the phone against my ear.

"Atsuro…" I said waiting for him to speak. I could hear the intro to a song I am not familiar with. I let myself smile as I listen on.

_I take a ride to the other side  
'Cause it feels so nice just to drive and drive and drive.  
I'd make amends for the other night  
if you'd be here with me holding me tight.  
Is this the chance when we fly away?  
'Cause I need to know if I'm coming back,  
I push and pull just to get what I want.  
In the end I should know that you bring it all to me._

_Reach out; you can go overboard if you want to.  
In and out, don't lose control, don't lose control.  
Just don't take it back._

_And I get so close, but I runaway, I runaway.  
Things I fear the most, keep me here to stay, but anyway..._

_Can we try for right now, free of doubt.  
If you give the chance I could try and figure out.  
I'm kind of scared because I don't know how.  
But I'm watching the close calls and catching my breath now.  
There could be time when I'd fly away.  
But you need to know that I'm coming back.  
Don't want to push and pull anymore,  
just to get what I want, when you bring it all to me._

_Reach out; you can go overboard if you want to.  
In and out, don't lose control, don't lose control.  
Just don't take it back_

_And I get so close, but I runaway, I runaway.  
Things I fear the most, keep me here to stay, but anyway..._

_You said you always wanted someone to tell you it's OK.  
Well, I guess it's my chance to tell everyone everything_.

_Can we talk about this?  
Give me the chance and we'll fly away.  
Can we walk around this?  
Give me the chance and we'll fly away._

I heard the upbeat song die down in the background and silence settled in.

"Towa?" I heard him say with a voice laced with a little pain.

"Yeah?"

"I should have asked you to spend Christmas here with us." Atsuro whispered back. I closed my eyes and pressed the side of my face to the glass.

"It's alright. I didn't want to impo-…."

"You wouldn't be trouble. Mom actually wanted you to spend Christmas with us when she knew that you would be alone." Said the sweet voice in a hushed pressing tone.

I was thinking of what to reply when Atsuro spoke again in that proud, "I am not crying" voice of his, "Christmas is special because it enables you to be with the people that you love. Tonight was fun and the food and the presents were great… but… but it wasn't special and warm because you weren't there. I felt like I had a big whole in my chest as they had me open presents awhile ago. I wanted to spend Christmas… and the rest of my life…with you, Towa…"

I looked down on my right hand now resting on top of my heart. I felt tears roll down the side of my cheeks as I mutely agree with Atsuro's feelings.

I was about to say something when I heard someone knocking on the door of my apartment. I walk towards the door while I turn my attention back to my phone. I let out a disappointed huff when I realized that the line was dead.

I opened the door as I heard the person behind it knock even louder. I haven't opened the door fully when my visitor jumped into my arms and painted my face with little kisses. It didn't take me too long to recognize the cherry hair and that unmistakable scent that is Atsuro.

I place my hands on either side of his face and gently pull him away from me to gaze into those wonderful chocolate pools.

"What are you doing here…? Not that I mind bu-…?"

"Yuka drove me saying that she couldn't stand my sulking face and ruining her Christmas." My red-haired beauty said in that bubbly tone of his and grinned at me.

Again, I felt that rush of various emotions plaguing my head but this time… they were feelings of happiness, surprise, delight, satisfaction, and love.

Atsuro moved me further into the room and kicked the door closed. He gave me another tight hug before stepping away from me.

"So… When do you want to open your present?" He said with laughter in his eyes as he pointed with his left hand the red ribbon draped on his chest.

I could feel tears trying hard to push their way out of my eyes as I smiled and laughed.

"Merry Christmas, Towa…" I heard him say as he stalked towards my direction. He stopped until his lips were just a hair width away from mine. "I love you." I indulged myself with a quick smile as I bended over for a kiss.

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Two resting frames cuddled under the covers as the sun rose from the east, blessing the special morning and the people who slept and celebrated and woke… especially the two who held unto each other tight, content smiles painted on their faces.

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**...owari... **

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I was planning on just ending the fic a little after the song bit but the fact that I am not with my koibito at this time of the year is no excuse for me to give Towa and Atsuro a sad Christmas… ne?

Saaaaaa minna-san, happy holidays!

Oh yeah, the song is entitled Runaway by Mae.

Comments, suggestions, flames and threats are always welcome! Post them or email them to me at


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